The Current is a bloody mess, to hell with it all!

Students walk by the stands and are both amazed and repulsed by its contents. The brave ones (those who do not lose their lunch at its sight) are the ones that do pick up the paper, only to be horrified by its warblings.

Students complain that The Current constantly bumbles important events (such as the Eye School's Pig Roast) and misquotes prominent DUMSL officials (we say, tomato and tomatoe, its the same thing). They complain that The Current promotes only what it wishes, and has a certain disdain towards many campus offices (like the Meadows counts as a campus office).

Many students have gone so far as to request a three cent refund on their student accounts so that The Current will no longer be able to operate.

And you know what? We at The Current whole-heartedly agree.

Hell, do you think that we actually read the stuff we write?

The staff of The Current is here for one reason, and only one reason, and that is resume enhancement. We all know that, after our days at DUMSL are over, we have to find more to put on paper than "First Place - keg stand 1999" title or "Sexy Legs" t-shirt. And lord knows that a DUMSL degree means next to jack to the average employer. (Hell, some of the more recent graduates couldn't even find a job at the Diamond Cabaret.)

The Current is the creation of three nights of heavy drinking and an iMac 9.0. Just throw in some hallucinations from various 'mind-altering' substances, and you have a completed project.

And who's going to stop us? Hell, most DUMSL students spend an average of four hours on campus, and well over three of those hours are spent trying to find parking. If they even pick up the newspaper, its usually so that they can spit their gum in something.

Nobody cares, and basically that includes us. We have this shiny office with computers, a microwave, a refrigerator and nice cozy chairs and we're gathering a paycheck every few weeks. It's the best of both worlds.

Like the rest of the DUMSL campus, only a tad over 50 percent of our staffers can read, so what's the big complaint? It's not like we are a legitimate news source or anything.

Let's face it, DUMSL is not the most happening' place around, and sometimes we just prefer to use our status as 'journalists' to get into bars and baseball games for free. Sure, we still write stories about the campus and stuff, so long as it doesn't interfere with our 'work.'

So you students think that The Current is a waste of time. Y'all think that DUMSL would be better off without a newspaper, and we could all use that extra 3 cents for some more penny candy and such.

Well, if that's how you feel, than fine. We'll stop the insanity. Whatever man, I'll just grab my brew and play some 'tunes. Bye all!