Posh now accepts only platinum for purchases

Not the plastic,stupid, the rocks

by Li'l Bitch
Momo-in-Chief

A DUMSL student takes out his wallet to purchase a chicken salad sandwich. Poor guy, we'll miss him!

In the face of a student backlash following the recent decision by Charredwell's to ban credit card purchases in the Posh, Director Down Onthefarm has decided to once again change the purchasing policy.

As of April 1, the Posh will accept only platinum stone as payment for any food or beverage. Reasons for this decision have been skewed, but apparently "paper money is just so dirty; we don't know where it's been and it makes our hands smell like crap," Onthefarm said.

This is in light of a current outbreak of colds among Charredwell's workers, although some skeptics feel that the mandatory three-hour 'smoke breaks' that the employees take may serve some capacity in this outbreak.

Onthefarm disagrees, saying, "Have you seen some of the dirty kids that want to buy food from us? They're bringing down the class of clientele in here and getting everyone sick to boot."

Onthefarm is referring to the more recent DUMSL students. Since the 700 percent increase in tuition, DUMSL has seen an influx of upper-class student who demand service and quality food; hence the Posh's menu changes, which include escargot, filet mignon and Cornish hen.

"I don't have a problem with the platinum charges," Lionel Roquefort III, freshman, accounting, said. "After all, mummy's platinum mine is doing quite well; I just have to import weekly shipments from Burkina Faso. Doesn't everyone?"