Sigma Epsilon Chi at DUMSL

by Li'l Bitch
Momo-in-Chief

"SEX is the greatest, even better than Pokemon."

Since 1963, DUMSL has enjoyed a rich and vibrant Greek system, with Sigma Pie, Pretty Kitty Airhead and Sigma Tau Gorilla frats having been established on Supernatural Bridge Road for over 30 years.

However, if Capulet Montague, director of DUMSL student diversions, and Unruly Meadows Director Pimp John get their way, a new house of men may charter here.

Sigma Epsilon Chi, which was founded in apartment 469 of Unruly Meadows, Pimp John's self-proclaimed "swingin' pad" is looking to colonize the DUMSL campus. If successful, this will be the first SEC house at any University.

"Basically, I'm really tired of having so many people over at my little apartment," John said. "We've built a strong brother-and sister-hood, and we need to expand. We think that, with a chapter house, we can increase our membership."

John, who currently serves as the frat's advisor, has mentioned that, in all, there have been over 327 students who have shown interest in the organization.

"The initiation is the best part," freshman Joey Schmuck said, fast food management major and SEC pledge. "In high school, I never talked to girls much, and now it's required of me. I've done so many things that I've only seen on late night television and my dad's literature collection. SEC is the greatest, even better than Pokemon."

Schmuck said that he checked out the other three houses, but in the end, "they just don't have the SEC."

SP President Grunt Wanker has said that "Sure, if you like SEC, than that's alright. But do they have poker nights?"

According to John, "Poke-her night is just one of the many things that we do. It's easily one of our more popular events."

John would like to purchase the house next to SP, although he has run into complications.

"Right now, the property is owned by a Baptist church, and we have had certain moral conflictions," John said. "I just don't think that they're ready to see a SEC house next to theirs."

If John can get the house, he expects that it will quickly become one of the more popular hang-outs on campus.

Montague shares this view, stating that, "As director of student diversions, I'm always trying to find things to get the kids out of the Pilot House so us faculty and of-age folks can get to the brews. Also, the geese will quit complaining about all of the students running around."