Planked Road Brewery, Mosquito, unveil new line of drink

For many, Planked Road is famous for is cheap and very potent Asshous Brew. Asshous can be found in most any Midwest liquor store in 18- or 30- packs, and is usually the choice of the poor college student who simple can't afford a Bud. Asshous can also be found flowing freely in the water pipes of the Sigma Pie house.

With the wild success that Asshous has enjoyed, the makers have decided to follow a new trend in binge drinking: hard liquor.

"We've seen that today's college student is much more sophisticated than in year's past," Hans Onmychest, brewmaster at Planked, said. "The are much more health conscious. Rather than gain weight by drinking a malt beverage, they would prefer to pay a little more to get floored with a hard liquor."

With this in mind, Onmychest partnered with Mosquito Chemical, and his brewery is now offering 'Isopropyl Alcohol' to its customers.

According to a Mosquito spokesman, "this alcohol, which meets USP compendium, is also tested for bioburden for added convenience."

Some pluses to IA, according to Mosquito, include:

* Reduces in house production of 70% IPA

* Reduces quality control cost

* No color additives

* Ideal for cleaning process equipment

* Great for pipeline distribution for use in controlled environment areas

* Packaged in metal drums with epoxy phenolic lining

* Economical 205L drum

* Manufactured to meet all USP requirements in a GMP facility

The liquor, which is sold in 204 liter drums, will set you back around $780, but Onmychest is quick to point out that "IA meets all quality control requirements."

I had the distinct pleasure to test out this new drink before it his the market, and I must say that I was quite surprised.

Perhaps its greatest feature is not the actual brew but the container itself. I've always had a gripe with brews that come packaged in heave metal containers. IA sports a lightweight plastic container with a easy-to-use handle on top, great for transporting from room to room.

Back to the drink itself, I must say that I have had very few beverages that taste as good warm as they do chilled, and IA is one of them. It keeps its consistency and weight regardless of the temperature, so you can always go back to that extra glass that you left on the kitchen counter at the start of the party.

Also, IA is a great addition to most any cocktail, as its taste does not overpower any drink. It's like adding alcoholic water to a martini, but without the mudded-down taste.

One note of caution, however, to you smokers in the crowd. As clearly stated on the container, IA is extremely flammable, and should not be kept anywhere near an open flame. This drink is so potent that even a hot moment of passion can set off the whole container.

For those of you who like a little more kick in your drinks, IA is also sold in 198-proof containers, at no extra charge.

"Man, if someone really want to ante up to a 198-proof drink, than I'm happy to oblige," Onmychest said. "That's a real drinker's man who can stomach that."

To commemorate the new liquor, the Sigma Pie Fraternity will host a "Take off your clothes and show us a vertical smile!" party at the fraternity house, 1234 Supernatural Ridge Road. Admission is $15 per person, and IA will be served on all three floors of the house.

Mosquito does ask that consumers of IA please not sign up for organ donation.

"IA may be a great party drink, but I can't think on anyone on Earth that will have use for a liver the size of New Jersey."