The Stagnant |April 1, 1999

Stagnant editor to get intern

by J. Mango

of the Stagnant staff

Davey Booger, Tyrant-in-Chief of The Stagnant, announced today that he has hired a new intern. The intern will serve as Booger's personal secretary dealing with The Stagnant's internal management issues.

Monica L. is what she calls herself. She has a history in the political arena and is from the Washington D.C. area. Monica said during her interview that she wants a fresh start in journalism and chose the St. Louis area because she was tired of the Washington D.C. scene.

"I want to be the one asking questions instead of being asked," Monica said.

When asked what she meant by that statement, Monica said she didn't recall and then mumbled something about a star.

Nevertheless, Booger was impressed with Monica during their interview. "She just blew me away with her oral presentation," Booger said.

Monica admits that her oral communication skills are one of her strong suits and that she likes talking on the phone. But she said she is very careful about what she talks about during her phone conversations.

"You have to be careful about the information you give out over the phone, because you never know when you'll be tripped up," Monica said.

She also takes pride in her wardrobe selection, especially her berets. She boasts that she has the largest beret collection in the Midwest.

Booger was concerned about the change in professions.

"It's a huge transition from the political field to journalism, they're actually on the extreme opposite ends of the spectrum," Booger said. "However, Monica already seems to know a lot about how reporters gather information, especially in the investigative journalism field."

Monica said she is excited about the opportunity Booger has given her at The Stagnant. She said she plans to begin at the bottom and slowly move to the top.

"Experiencing different positions is fun," Monica said.

She said Booger promised that she will get her first story assignment within a month. "I had to literally get on my knees to get him to do it," Monica said.

Monica said the journalism field offers more challenges and exciting people to meet. "I'm tired of having politicians, I mean politics," Monica said. "The journalism field gives me more men, I mean opportunities for me."

It is not clear what Monica's first responsibility will be at The Stagnant, but sources say it may involve organizing Booger's cigar collection.