The Stagnant is something we publish every year at April Fool's Day despite cries from the campus community that we please stop. The opinions expressed are really stupid and do not necessarily reflect those of the management or any other rational human being. The University is not responsible for the content of The Stagnant. The staff of The Stagnant is also not responsible (not just for the content, I mean in their everday lives.) In fact, we've been trying for years to find out who is responsible for this affront to good taste and have failed, so if you know please tell us. Anyway, everything herein, thereto, whatfore, is the exclusive property of the Stagnant. You are not allowed to reproduce, retransmit, rebroadcast the pictures, accounts, or anything else in this publication without the expressed written consent of the editor or a note from your mother. You could go to jail. Really. Don't tell your closest friends about it. Don't even stare at it directly. You actually aren't even allowed to read it legally. Just put it down, nice and slow, and then back away. Thank you for your cooperation.