The Basics: I continue to recover very well. Physically I feel good most of the time. I rest in the late afternoon, but I don't HAVE TO sleep. Last week we took a 6 mile bike ride. I carried Zachary the entire way and felt pretty good. The next day I slept or rested most of the day.

I am driving. Last week I drove to Dayton and back. I felt the strain and tension - and it went okay.

I have been working in the mornings and coming home for the afternoon. In the last week I have worked all afternoon at home and felt okay. I expect sometime this week or next to work most of the day in the office.

Next Sunday we are planning to ride a 15-mile 'tour du cure' in Dayton.

The Rest: I am learning to take care of myself. I find that if I rest/meditate and exercise almost every day, I feel good. Ron, the healer, says I have created my own recipe for 'rehabing' the brain. We know a lot about rehabing other areas of the body - but not the brain, he said.

I find this time for myself to be key a ingredient for me. It helps me feel 'grounded' and balanced. If I miss one, I don't feel as good.

I am still looking for tapes and methods for meditation. I know a little about relaxation and I have about three guided imagery tapes. One I have is by Berie again (my hero). I listen to it about twice a week and cry almost every time. It talks about being small and how little kids are willing to 'challenge' life. And that as we get older, the child gets scared and everyone else seems so much bigger. Eventually we stop challenging life and become someone else. But, by challenging life, we save our lives, he adds.

I've been challenging life more and that has caused some friction with Abi and others. I've been focusing on what 'I want' more and less on 'the thing this other person wants me to do.' It feels good. And it feels bad. Taking the challenge feels 'right.'

I still have emotions 'boil' out of me sometimes - mostly when I am alone. Last week I was laying in bed and my chest started shaking and I was filled with fright. Then anger. I could not connect this to anything - yet it needed to be expressed. My experience is very strange because intellectually I'm kind of watching myself experience these emotions. Then they pass.

I've started to find some local resources for support. The local ECaP group in Dayton seemed 'too established' at first, but when I returned I felt much more conformable and I plan to return. I went to a 'Brain Tumor' support group a few weeks ago. There I met 12 other people that understood seizures and brain surgery very well. I enjoyed meeting them, but felt out of place because none of them even consider alternative healing. I'm not sure if that group is for me.

As I 'return to normal,' I am on a quest to be a better person for myself and my family. I have a strong desire to explore a sense of spirituality, yet don't have any direction for this yet. I'm open to suggestions. I am watching for ways to make meditation and exercise 'part of my life' and to learn more about meditation.

I am also looking at how I can be a more meaningful part of my children's lives - especially Zachary's. My parents separated when I was 4 and I am beginning to realize I don't have a clear role model from my childhood. And, with my surgery, I have not spent nearly as much time with Zachary playing. This weekend I spent Monday morning with just him riding bikes, playing soccer and hitting a baseball. I felt good and he did too.

At the end of June is my next MRI. I am not thinking about it very much yet and I expect this to be a 'routine baseline.' I am a little nervous.

So. Life is good. Life is love. Life is the moment.

With much love and respect,