Sometimes I feeling I feel like
I’m dying.
There I wrote it. I
wanted to start with “I’m dying,” but I did
not have the nerve and I’m not sure I mean
anyway. I’m not supposed to write that.
I’m supposed to write about how I am stable or
how much better I’m getting or what I’m doing
to improve my health. But sometimes – more
recently, but known why – I’ve been thinking
more this phrase. And that frightens me.
Abi asked me some depression Q, ‘Is yours life
so overwhelming that you want it to end?’ I said
no to all the questions.
I feel like a statue that
has been in the weather a long time, slowly being
worn away. I was going to wait and write
when Kate could help me…I had my test results
from the MRI last Wednesday and I’d seen the
doctors in Cleveland on Tuesday, but I could not
wait. Even typing with one hand, I feel
compelled to ‘speak out.’
On 1/1/04 Abi and I took
Shanaya for a normal walk. After some
standing in one place, I could not move my left
leg…so Abi guided me home. Probably a
mini-seizure. I needed rest the next few
days.
What’s going on? Has
the drop in the steroids messed with my
‘mind?’ Do I have some infection like
last time? Or am I just getting tired of
fighting….or this a is premonition?
Also things on the MRI have
‘changed’ since October, Abi and I agree.
Now it is a wait and see game. What does that
‘mean?’
And what does ‘No
accidents “mean” is this
context?’
From
Last Time
Please excuse all the
missing words in the letter. I
corrected them on the web, but….
New
Also, several people wanted
to know what Jeanne, the nutritionist suggested.
The is a .pdf
file for you to look at.
Also I have a best of the pictures
from November that I want to share…
Finally I’ve been working
with digital video. Here is a clip
that requires Windows (sorry). Or in might
work in Internet Explorer on the Mac (untested).
New
Year’s
This coming year, I want to
learn more about Joy. And what that means to
me specially.
I hope you have a most
joyous 2004. May your spirits lift you off
the ground!
With LOVE, HOPE, KINDNESS,
and, BLESSINGS!