I don’t believe that my life is scripted to the last decision.  What I believe is that each of our actions is cosmically connected and forms a whole.   So when I look back I see a mosaic pattern that I could not have predicted ahead of time, but it is truly amazing and more than just random.

This concept of each of us being connected comes in and out of my life.  This month though, it stared right me in the face and I could not ignore it. 

A few weeks ago Kate wanted to buy presents for her family and said she needed to go to the book store.  I suggested she use Amazon.com because she wouldn’t need to go to the book store and they would provide shipping etc.  It would be done quickly.  The next day she said “okay, but I need to get the addresses for them.”

I said, “Well we can probably look them up on-line”, and she said “really can we do that?”  She decided to call her mother instead.  So she called her mom and said “I’m calling from work, (to expedite the conversation) but I need some addresses.”  She got the addresses, but her mom mentioned something about Lasix and not feeling well. Kate said she would call her later. 

The next morning Kate called and said she would be a little late (she is always on time) as her alarm didn’t go off because her electricity went out during the night.  Then she called a half an hour later and said her mother had a massive stroke and she needed to go to Boston. 

So starting with the conversation about Amazon.com, to her mom getting sick, to the power going out, to her needing to go to Boston…these events are linked and cannot be predicted ahead of time, but in hind sight I don’t see them as random either.

Since Kate was away, Abi came to my last YSI holiday party.  I had previously asked Abi to come, but she had to work that day.  Since Kate was in Boston, Abi took the day off anyway.

I was recognized for 15 years of service, which I was not expecting.  Abi said after the event, if she had known how important to me it was for her to come she would have even if Kate had been available.  More cosmic intervention?

Two things about working for YSI:  One is that the company has been extremely understanding about my illness. I’ve had cancer for half the time I was employed.  For example, they allowed me to work part time, flexible hours, etc. 

The second thing is that I’ve chosen to not write about my YSI frustrations throughout my journaling.  As the company grew larger my opportunities grew more specific and more restrictive, but I wanted to be careful to never burn any bridges, especially when I returned to work after my second surgery. 

When I was at the holiday party I learned that my former leader, Dave Deakin, and his team are still thinking big.  (Caution, geek thought ahead)  YSI is implementing an Enterprise Resource Planning system using Oracle running on Linux.  It will be hosted in Austin, Texas rather than Yellow Springs, Ohio.  So all server up time, back up, and server maintenance will be out sourced to this company in TX, running on Dell Blade Servers connected to all YSI branches via the internet (end geek thought!). 

This kind of “out of the box” thinking is very exciting to me because it’s global thinking as YSI becomes a global company not “Yellow Springs, Ohio centric.”  It is what I miss about working in IT and not just reading about it.

What Do You Do All Day?

I was setting up 4 computers for the Antioch School just before Thanksgiving and Zachary and Hana were very excited that they had 3 days plus the week end off from school.  They were talking what to do with that time. 

Then Zachary looked up at me and said, “Dad, you have every day off.  What do you do?”  I started to explain that my time is often paced around meals, resting, and exercising.  But, I didn’t have a very good answer and would have to get back to him.  I told him that Kate and I keep a running list of what I want to get done in a given week and that these computers were an example of that.  But, in the end, I did not feel like I gave a very satisfying answer.

Walking and Balance

I continue to walk every day and am no longer using the plastic AFO that helped my toes lift off the ground.  Now I wear just a lace-up ankle brace.  Every other day I walk about a mile with a cane.  In November, I was walking with the AFO and able to do only about a ¼ of a mile a day.

I also have been walking with “walking ski poles” that I’m learning to take full advantage of. These incorporate my upper extremities as I walk. 

Walking in the house, I usually don’t wear any brace at all.  This has been a “tricky balance” as I decrease my steroids because this medicine regulates the swelling in my brain and impacts my balance.  I’ve decreased the steroids from 8mg to 5mg this month.

It’s Time For Round Five

I did my 4^rd round of chemo in the beginning of December.  It went extremely well during the treatment.  The recovery after the treatment, however, seemed to be more difficult than the previous times.  I felt more fatigued and just more effected.  Abi, on the other hand, thought that this was the easiest round looking from the outside. 

December has flown by and now it is time to get another MRI follow up and another chemo treatment that will start the first week of January.  Months seem to move so quickly when marked by 5 days of chemo and 23 days off.  Just when I finish one treatment it seems like it’s time for the next treatment. 

Speaking of which, I did get in contact with Jeanne Wallace, the nutritionist.  She has recommended a specific regimen of dietary supplements to boost my immune system.  I ordered them just before Christmas so they should be here within the next couple of days.  I’m excited to be doing something specific around my immune system.

The Importance of Routine

For Christmas, we spent 2 days at my sister-in-law’s house. which we do every year.  This year I was more aware of how my environment supports the comfort of my routine than in years past.  My home has been set up for a person with a left sided weakness with things like railings on both sides of the stairs and grab bars in the bathrooms.  We as a family have constant conversations about keeping clear paths through the house, and of course my level of familiarity makes everything easier.

I also noticed this when I visited my mom last August, but my routine was not as settled then.  I think I have found a comfort zone and I’m realizing that it is not easily transported.

Meaning

Which brings me back to meaning.  If there are ‘no accidents,’ does that mean I think each event has ‘meaning’ or ‘significance?’ Well, I have no idea, but I do see that everything is connected in ways many of us are not ready to accept.  How, for example, is my illness, connected to anything?  I don’t know.  But I am more willing to think in that way than ever before. 

I hope you have a great New Year

With Love, Kindness, Warm Thought, and Blessings,