Last Monday was my 40^th birthday.  As I understand it, many people take stock in their lives at 40 and ask “how did I get here, and what do I want to do next?”  For me, however, I’ve been asking that question for eight and a half years, and so the celebration is a mixed blessing rather than a soul searching one.  After many medical interventions and predictions of longevity, I am glad to have lived to 40.  Participating in my children’s lives as they mature has been the most rewarding.  More about them later…

But October 20^th is also the date my driver’s license expired, symbolically reminding me that a freedom I have taken years to reestablish is no longer available to me.

Since I last wrote, we changed personal care providers, from Bill who has worked with us for 9 months, to Kate who has worked for us on Fridays at times.  Bill helped me through some difficult times with my abscess and my treatments in Cleveland.  And I am really excited that Kate has joined us now because she has worked with a family before with a sick husband and has a holistic view of the family’s needs, and this was critical as Abi finished her last two weeks of her emergency room rotation. 

Overall

Overall this month has been a very good month.  I’ve started to pursue my interests - beyond being ill.  For example digital photography.  Here are some high lights. Learning more about how to edit videos on computers (on the PC and the Mac).  I’m even trying to install Linux on my computer.  I’ve been very excited about this because it’s given me hope that I could focus on things besides having cancer.  The only thing I miss is that most of my current friends are “spiritually based” and my “technology friends” are based at work, so I don’t have any contact directly with people that have interests in these technical areas. 

One thing that’s slowing me down in the video area is that I collected all my Hi8 family tapes in one place…and now they’re lost.  I alternate between hope that someone put them somewhere and they’ll show up and despair that they’ve been thrown out.  Every birthday and many family outings; all the different things you might tape while your children are growing up. 

Speaking of the kids, Zachary and Hana are blossoming.  Both are getting so tall - once they were smaller than their friends and now they are taller than their friends.  Zachary is now taller than Abi and his voice has changed.  Hana has lost all her shyness of being a little girl and gets excited about special events, “did you know there are only 59 days before Hanukkah?”  They continue to be extremely independent and resilient and supportive of each other as well (see the pictures above).

What’s Ahead

This week I get my first MRI follow up since starting my chemo treatments.  Then we go to Cleveland.  Next week I start my third chemo regimen, 5 days of pills and the next 23 days off. 

The last chemo regimen was more difficult than the first one.  I was more fatigued and it was generally more difficult to tolerate.  But as I said before, the month was a good month overall.   

I’m looking forward to contacting Jean Wallace, a nutrition specialist who helps cancer patients with their recovery.  She was recommended by Mark Renneker.  When we get the latest test results we will contact her and find out what she recommends to augment my recovery. 

I use my meditation room every day.  This has helped me find a place to be calm and have a “time-out” whenever I need it.  I’m looking forward to pursuing the interests that I noted above in the coming weeks. 

Soap Opera Update

At the beginning of the month Abi and I were rushing to see Dr. Beegan, who is a physical rehab doctor, because I was having trouble walking.  On the way out I bumped into a tree branch, lost my balance and fell hard onto the sidewalk.  My left hip was significantly bruised, but fortunately Abi caught my head.  I did not break anything so we went to see the doctor anyway, but walking was even more difficult.  So the focus was on my hip instead of my knee.  The x-rays confirmed that I didn’t break anything and my bone density has not been eroded from steroids.

I delayed starting the chemo treatment to let the hip heal a little bit.  It was a deep bruise in the hip socket itself.  Then after starting the chemo treatment I did something pretty stupid again.  I tried to walk down my front ramp without my ankle brace and I fell on the same hip again, the outside of it this time.  So, this whole month has been dedicated to my left hip healing, and trying to make smart judgments about walking. 

I am still going to Andrews University for physical therapy.  We measured my knee strength, which was surprisingly was the same as it was in August.  I still need to find a competent outlet for occupation therapy because my left arm and hand are able to do things but I give it no direct attention, so they are extremely weak and uncoordinated. 

Life changes, help changes, refocusing my energy outside, beautiful kids, and looking ahead.  I feel like I write an update every week, but when I look back I only write about once a month.  I write a journal entry in my head every week, but it takes a lot of time and energy to write down the thoughts I want to express.

With Peace, Love and Appreciation,