I
returned home 3 weeks ago. It took me another week to feel
“home.”
Since
then many things have fallen into place for me. We hired
Bill, a local potter who has been doing home care for 3 years,
to help me during the day. He is very important to my
recovery. He encourages me in my rehab, drives me to
doctor appointments and is generally a friend.
Other
things are coming to me unexpectedly. I have been spending
time with Rabbi Gevirtz, talking about my frustration and anger.
She listens sympathetically and has been a sounding board for
me. Fran, the mother of a very good friend, also
wanted to talk with me. She had a husband die from brain
cancer and worked in hospice for many years. She, like
others, suggested I replace my self pity with gratitude.
She, however, gave me a suggestion that I could work with –
“When you first wake up, spend 5 minutes being grateful for
the small things… the air you breathe, the warmth of the
covers, the smells, etc…”
Her
perspective was very helpful because when I tried to be thankful
for … say walking… I’d start thinking about how I
“wish” I could walk better. But Fran’s perspective
is helpful for me. It helps me focus on the present.
We
also talked about how people dying usually regret the things
they did not do, rather than the things they had done.
I
get from this, Live Now – No Regrets.
A
third person came to me. David, my “personal” healing
Rabbi. We talked about Faith, and being angry with Spirit.
He told me personal stories and about his struggle. He
also talked about finding his calling, or how it had found him.
I
marvel at how the people I need to talk to are finding me.
He suggested that I did not need to seek out people, that they
would find me.
-------
Overall,
I am well. Cleveland
says I should not consider chemo until I finish the 8 weeks of
antibiotics (4 weeks to go).
On
another note, the 1p test in Boston
was a technical failure – so we never got an answer.
Cleveland wants the slides so they can do the test themselves.
My
seizures are under control with 4 medications. My walking
is coming along very well. My left arm is still a work in
progress.
Overall,
my spirits are good. I’m stepping back in to “life”
a little at a time.
With
Peace and Love and Hope,
Dan