I will spare you
the gory details of the path report, but the upshot is that the
tumor was/is in fact anaplastic oligodendroglioma.
Translation: rapidly growing and highly malignant. Dr. Black
and team recommend both radiation and chemotherapy, to start in the
next several weeks.
I am writing to you from a hotel in Youngstown, Ohio. When we
learned this news on Tuesday, we were both silent for awhile.
We began driving back to Ohio and decided we could take Rte 80
through Cleveland, to go to Cleveland Clinic. We called the
doc recommended by Dr. Black for radiation by cell phone. He
called us back while I was driving through rush hour traffic in
Hartford CT, Dan was so nervous he was literally tongue-tied and
couldn't speak to him. So, I navigated traffic and the first
conversation with the radiation oncologist. He is leaving town
Friday and was willing to squeeze us in on Thursday. We
faxed him the pathology report from the hotel the next morning.
Over the last days we have been alternatingly hopeful and scared
witless. Dan feels good physically, better than the last
several months before surgery. He is traveling very well and
extremely exhausted, understandably, given he is still only about 9
days post op. Spiritually though, he is probably better than
in his whole life. This recent experience, not just the
surgery, but this whole time frame, has been a time for him to
define himself, find himself, recieve the light and love of Spirit,
feel bolstered by the love of many many souls of this earth.
He expresses fear that he will lose touch with this energy in one
breath, but relates his personal conversations in the mid night
waking hours, where he is struggling to make sense of his life,
comes to some sense of resolution and is once again warmed in the
light, in the next breath. He has an amazing capacity to churn
through a series of garbled thoughts in his mind, over and over,
until he gets to that place of spiritual peace.
I have felt so honored and blessed to be with him, share this growth
and knowing, to be witness. I wonder sometimes if he is
rationalizing or denying, and then he will say something so profound
and so true, that I am awestruck and dumbstruck. A few weeks
ago he wrote that his soul is pure, and even though his body is
being chipped away, he knows that his soul will be untouched.
He is living that daily. He says he is in a good place
physically to begin this next set of treatments.
We debated about how much to tell the kids before we came home.
Everytime they spoke with Dan, they asked if he was having chemo.
So, last night, when they asked about chemo, we told them.
But, they didn't ask about radiation, so we held that. We have
always shared all we know with them, as we learned it, so it felt
unsettling to not say all. Yet, we also wanted to be home,
together, to hold them in our arms first, and then share the whole
story. I tell you this because I would like you to do
the same. If you see them, talk to them, please share at their
level, and we will tell them the rest of the story tonight or
tomorrow, when we are together and have more to share.
So, my next step is to do some research about radiation and then we
leave in about an hour for Cleveland. More to come.
Thank you again for listening.
Much love,
Abi and Dan