I continue to get stronger. My pain is basically gone. I've haven't taken Tylenol for a few days. So, overall I am feeling very good. And there are times when I feel very low or have an anxiety attack from thing I feel in my body that I can't explain.

When I left the hospital I was anemic. So, I am recovering from the surgery and a low red blood cell count. Each day I try to get some exercise - riding for 10 minutes on my indoor bike or walking slowly for a few blocks. Again, each day these are easier. I've been in a car only twice since returning home and the second time was much more comfortable. I am still taking afternoon naps and turning in early.

One difficult thing was my mother and her sister did not want me to tell my Grandparents about my tumor or the surgery. My Grandmother has been in the hospital for several months and they were concerned this news would be a significant blow to them. I did wait until this week. Then I wrote my Grandfather e-mail (how else would I do it?). I felt compelled to tell him. I did not want to try to 'hide' my experience. Last night I had a very warm conversation with my Grandfather about the event and how I am feeling now.

This brings up a theme I have been discovering since the surgery about living an authentic life. About believing in yourself even when your viewpoint is not popular or accepted.

Skipper gave me tapes by Joseph Campbell called "Transformation of Myth Through Time." Throughout the tape it talks about the struggle of the 'individual' verses the 'group.' Then my mother shared an interview with a physiologist that has worked with cancer patients most of his career. He said the only treatment that makes a difference in a patient's outcome is to focus this person on what he or she loves to do. The goal is to get the patient to live a life he or she loves.

In my quest to understand this, I have started to ask people 'Are you living a life you love?' Take a moment and ask yourself this question. My very small sample say they like what they are doing, but they would love to ____________ (fill in the blank).

Answering the question myself, I am living a life that I love - and I am involved with so many things that it has become a life I don't love in sheer volume.

Through conversations with my mother, I am also understanding a key is to ask or 'stand up' for what I want instead of 'going with the flow.' In forming my Grandfather is a perfect example of this for me. Even if don't get what I requested, the act of being honest about my needs with others makes me feel more authentic.

Living a life that I love means helping people access information and helping people communicate using technology.YSI has been very supportive of me perusing these goals through setting up the video facility to creating the PC network and our access to the Internet.

Yet, I feel I have a lot to learn about being authentic.

Finally, my sense of spirituality. Before this event I felt we were I individual entities - not really connected. Through these events and the overwhelming support I have received, though, I am getting a sense that we are all connected on some metaphysical level. I don't call it a god - but I do call it spiritual.

I'm getting pretty tired - so I need to stop. I hope all of you are doing well. I have so many people to thank, I don't know when I get finished.

I send my love to each of you....