Are you willing to make the choice of Abraham?

One of the Bill Kempf ‘rules of the seminary’ was that (with one exception – Kevin Schmittgens) all of my closest friends left. It was always difficult, in the days that followed. Why did they leave? They certainly were more gifted, more talented, and more holy than I ever would be, and now they are gone. Do they know something I didn’t?
And each time, I would find myself back in that chapel, praying and wondering and asking painful questions? Didn’t God understand that I was going to give my life to him? And didn’t he know that I was relying on His promise to me to support me in the journey? Didn’t He realize that I was counting on these people to be my support in the journey? Wasn’t He aware that these classmates who were leaving, were going to be the way He would be faithful to His promise to me?

What I slowly came to know is a different truth, a deeper truth. That God would be God not on my terms, but on his. And that He would be faithful to me not necessarily in the way I wanted, but in the way He chose. So I’d work through each of those ‘crisis’ and keep on journeying toward the priesthood. My world would gradually come together in a different way, but one that seemed to work for me. So I would go back to trusting God, mostly on his terms and not my own. However, it seems I was a slow learner.

Because it came time for ordination to the Deaconate, and once again I was wrestling with God. Can I do this? Can I make the forever promises of celibacy and obedience which God/the church is asking of me? With the support of my best friend Mary Morton, and of my classmates and family, I thought – yes – I could do this. So, with great courage, I was ordained as a transitional deacon. I remember thinking “okay God – I’ve got Mary Morton in my life as a pillar of support, I’ve got good classmates, I’ve got good family – you’re doing great in your promise – I can do this.” Two weeks later, I get a call from Mary. “Hey Bill, I’ve got great news. I’ve been accepted for a volunteer position down in Houston, Texas, to do service among the poor……and I don’t know if I’ll ever live in St. Louis again.” I almost dropped the phone… God, you are a funny guy, I thought. And once again, this slow learner had to discover that deeper truth – and to do some letting go of my vision of how God was going to support me on the journey.

It is the truth that Abraham learned so painfully in today’s story. That God invites trust in Him as the giver of the promise, not in Abraham’s understanding of how that promise should unfold. Abraham had his Isaac – his version of how God was going to be faithful to his promises. In his son, the only child of his old years, God was going to fulfill his promise. And now, he was asked to sacrifice that promise. To lay the visible sign of how HE thought God was going to be faithful to him upon that altar of dying. To let himself depend upon God on God’s terms, not his own.

We all know that wrestling, don’t we? It smacks us dead in the face when a family member is diagnosed with cancer, when a loved one dies suddenly and inexplicably; when a friend betrays our trust and confidence. Suddenly, our carefully constructed world of how God is going to be faithful falls apart – and we are left with the choice of Abraham. Will we sacrifice our vision of ‘the way things are to be’ for the vision God wants of us? Are we willing to make the choice of Abraham? To give up what is most precious to us – our life, our health, our freedom our ______________ because we trust in the giver of the promise rather than our understanding of how that promise will play out?

It is the choice that we are left with in the Gospel. Peter, James and John have just seen the glimpse of glory, of how it all fits together – the law, the prophets and Jesus. And they’re heading down the mountain to tell everyone how they KNOW God is going to fulfill his promises– until, in Mark’s account – he leaves them with the stopper - ‘questioning what rising from the dead meant.’ Oops. It is not on their terms anymore. Not as they want. But according to God’s plan.

Are you willing to make the choice of Abraham this week – to sacrifice your vision for God’s vision? To trust that there is a plan, not of your own making, but of the Father’s design. For the choice of Abraham becomes the choice of Jesus in the Garden – “Not my will, but yours be done.” As we journey from Ashes to Fire – let that be our prayer this week – Not my will, not my way, but yours be done…