What is the most destructive element to a relationship?

"Now the serpent was the most cunning of all the animals that God put in the garden..." With that little segue, we are introduced to the tester, the great tempter of hearts in the Hebrew scriptures. The serpent is not the most powerful, the strongest, the smartest - none of these things. But he is the most cunning. The most cunning.

And if you notice, in this little story of Adam and Eve, you are going to see how he works. It is so simple, really, if you notice it. He never directly tempts Adam and Eve, nor Jesus. He never says deny God. He never does a frontal attack. What he does is simply cunning. He introduces the most destructive element to any relationship - doubt. Doubt. That's how he tempts Adam and Eve. That's how he tempts Jesus. And that is how he will tempt us...

In the garden, you can see the conversation. "Nice tree. Good branches. And look at that fruit, would you. Wouldn't you like to sink your teeth into that." Of course, Eve is too smart to be fooled by that direct approach. But that is just the set up. Here is the line that gets Eve and Adam... "Did God REALLY say you can't do this? I mean, did he really say that, or is that something that you just think he did. And it that instant, the seed of doubt is planted. In that moment, sin becomes possible, for doubt has entered in...

Don't we know that in relationships? As soon as doubt enters in, the relationship is all but over. Once you doubt that the other is faithful, I don't think there is much hope to recover. You see, the nature of doubt is that it will not let us know peace. The other can protest their innocence a thousand times, can promise that nothing is going on, but as long as the seed of doubt is there, no amount of assurance will change the one's mind. And even if doubt has been placed there by a legitimate deed - a moment of infidelity, a poor use of judgement, an honest mistake - it is almost impossible to earn it back. (as an aside, it can be given back - we call that forgiveness, but that is a completely different homily...)

The devil tries that on Jesus. He knows the direct approach will never work - but the cunning approach... And what he tries to do is to get Jesus to doubt what it means to be Son of God. "IF you are the Son of God", and you can hear the sarcasm dripping from his voice. You really don't believe it, do you? That experience you had at the baptism - the sky opening, the dove descending - a momentarily delusion brought on by the hot sun. But, if you want to believe that, then you need to test it, you need to try it out... Turn stones to bread, throw yourself down, rule the world with power, because IF you really are the Son, then God will be happy to do that for you... and that is really what it means to be the Son of God - not the way you have in mind... In my own life, I think temptation works in that same way: it is never the direct assault that gets you - the obvious temptation to possessions or control or security. It is the cunning moment of doubt that gets me the best. If you really are the director of the Newman Center... and then it clarifies that statement. If you are a good director of the Newman Center...then they need you there 24-7. If you are there all the time, then those who rely upon your help will have you there and present and you'll make a difference in their lives... And I am tempted to doubt that it is God who brings about the result, and believe that it is all up to me... And like Jesus, the tempter says to me: IF you are...

This week, the scriptures invite us to look at how we are tempted - how we might want to fill in the sentence that the most cunning of all the animals wants to feed us with. IF you are..- If you are a college student, then it's okay to binge drink every so often, because that's what it means to be a college student. If you are a good student teacher, then those lesson plans need to be perfect, even if it means that the rest of your life is completely out of balance. If you are in a relationship with me, then it is okay to express that physically and sexually... IF, IF IF... Live this week, knowing that this is how the tempter will attack you - and once you've identified modus operandi, then, like Jesus, turn to the Father for the grace to live the deeper and complete truth of who you are and whose you are...