"One night during my
accustomed visit to the neighbouring wood where I collected my own food and
brought home firing for my protectors, I found on the ground a leathern
portmanteau containing several articles of dress and some books. I eagerly
seized the prize and returned with it to my hovel. Fortunately the books were
written in the language, the elements of which I had acquired at the cottage;
they consisted of Paradise Lost, a
volume of Plutarch's Lives, and the Sorrows of Werter.
The possession of these treasures gave me extreme delight; I now continually
studied and exercised my mind upon these histories, whilst my friends were
employed in their ordinary occupations.
"I can hardly describe to you the
effect of these books. They produced in me an infinity
of new images and feelings, that sometimes raised me to ecstasy, but more
frequently sunk me into the lowest dejection….
"But Paradise Lost excited different and far deeper emotions. I read it,
as I had read the other volumes which had fallen into my hands, as a true
history. It moved every feeling of wonder and awe that the picture of an
omnipotent God warring with his creatures was capable of exciting. I often
referred the several situations, as their similarity struck me, to my own. Like
Adam, I was apparently united by no link to any other being in existence; but
his state was far different from mine in every other respect. He had come forth
from the hands of God a perfect creature, happy and prosperous, guarded by the
especial care of his Creator; he was allowed to converse with and acquire
knowledge from beings of a superior nature, but I was wretched, helpless, and
alone. Many times I considered Satan as the fitter emblem of my condition, for
often, like him, when I viewed the bliss of my protectors, the bitter gall of
envy rose within me.
*
* * *
* *
…sometimes I allowed my thoughts,
unchecked by reason, to ramble in the fields of Paradise, and dared to fancy
amiable and lovely creatures sympathizing with my feelings and cheering my
gloom; their angelic countenances breathed smiles of consolation. But it was
all a dream; no Eve soothed my sorrows nor shared my thoughts; I was alone. I
remembered Adam's supplication to his Creator. But where was mine? He had
abandoned me, and in the bitterness of my heart I cursed him.