This is my third week of
treatment and my fatigue is definitely noticeable but not
debilitating. The most difficult thing is my
increased left side weakness. Yesterday I tried to
get down to my hands and knees to exercise, and my arm and
leg could not hold that position, and I flopped over like
a beached whale. It took me three tries to get back
up right. And even then, Abi had to help me get back
to my feet when I was done.
I
was waking up with significant headaches last week, and so
Dr. Mackliss increased my steroids to 8 mg per day.
That has helped.
I started PT yesterday.
The steroids might help the weakness, but I am grateful to
be actively working on my strength. While I am
fearful for my safety (due to weakness) the overall
treatments seem to be going ok. I am tolerating the
chemo and radiation with out any trouble. It feels
like the extra fatigue and weakness are the main side
effects I am dealing with right now.
This week, Abi took some
pictures of the radiation treatment room, mask and all.
The tallis that I use as a “blanket”/ritual every time
I get treatment is from Rabbi David Burstein, who said,
“Keep as long as you need it.” There is also a
picture of the MRI/PET/CT composite, which shows the
relative location and size of all my tumors, and the arc
lines the radiation path follows. Each are linked
separately so you can choose which ones you want to view
or not view.
1.)
Composite Image
2.)
Laying down
with tallis (tech is leveling base of head)
3.)
Mask in place
4.)
Ready to go
I have been going home on
the weekends to touch base, which has been stressful for
the drive, but very fulfilling to see the kids and to
sleep in my own bed. Many people have been surprised
to see me in YS – thinking that I would be in Cleveland
for the whole six weeks. So, if you see me in town
on Saturday, that’s why.
Some people have replied to
my emails, and said they didn’t know whether to reply or
not. I write my emails, first as a public journal,
to share my thoughts, and what is going on with me, with
you. So, if something that I write touches you, it
is wonderful to hear from you, but I do not expect a
reply. Conversely, if you write back to me, I may or
may not have the energy to reply again. What ever
happens, happens. You also have my implicit
permission to forward these emails to anyone you think
might like to read them.
Abi had noticed over the
last week that I had been getting short tempered about
common things, like waiting for doctors. I had said
to her that “how much of our life have we spent waiting
in doctor’s offices…”
I took the time to talk
with Margie about this, she suggested again, that I focus
on gratitude and “being” rather than “doing” –
specifically focusing on things that I found beautiful, or
aesthetically pleasing and experiencing them on an
emotional level rather than just a physical level… like
a beautiful flower, being outside… trying to bring in
more of that experience into my life…
So I brought some things
from home to decorate our room with… like pictures of
the kids, a yalmulke that Abi bought me, and I have been
conscious of trying to take more time to experience things
that I am grateful for. It feels very good.
Thank you for joining me on
this journey.
With warm thoughts, love
and hope,
Dan
http://life.katzstein.com
http://www.katzstein.com
"life
can only be understood backwards,
but must be lived forwards"