Date: Mon, 20 Mar 1995 10:04:07 EST
Subject: Health update, take VI

 

More decisions made. More questions to answer.

DECISION DETAILS
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I have chosen to have my surgery done at OSU in Columbus by Dr. Goodman. I trust him more than the others and I get the sense he is more 'current' because he is a teacher. I also think OSU will do a better job identifying my tumor after it is removed.

Still, a lot of this is on faith. I did not ask Dr. Goodman what his percentage of 'good' outcomes is. I have not talked to anyone about him. Yet - I felt he will do an excellent and careful procedure. When he took my films to the 'tumor panel' last week and then called me in person to tell me their conclusion, I felt like he was taking an interest in me as a person.

The procedure will be either 3/28 or 4/4 - depending on OSU's O.R. schedule.

On to the insurance company! Obviously OSU is not 'in-network.' Using OSU and my primary physician, I need to build a case that OSU is an 'excellent' place for me to have this procedure done.

I am a little nervous because there is nothing 'special' about my case. I just want to do it there - period. Many have told me not to let money make my decision. I am working on blind faith right now.

EMOTIONAL DETAILS
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I am still scared. I keep trying to act 'normal,' and sometimes that works. Coming to work in the morning has been comfortable. By afternoon - though - I am tired and need rest. When I push myself and don't rest, I get 'fuzzy' and worried. Yesterday, it was all I could do to drive back from the airport and go straight to bed.

What's so weird, is the mental component. I can easily 'worry myself sick.' And am I scared, having a mild seizure, or is the medicine effecting my perception? Do I just need more rest? I am having trouble distinguishing these causes.

I am amazed at how quickly I have accepted the need for brain surgery. It is just 'what needs to be done.' I want to get it over with, so I can go on with my life. Right now all decisions and tasks are BS - Before Surgery and AS - After Surgery. You know, little things like I want go to HamVention this year - so I hope to have my operation 4 weeks before the event.

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Overall I am feeling like this is a very manageable event. The surgery seems 'routine' for what it is and everyone is predicting an excellent outcome. I (and many others) have gone from, OH NO YOU HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR! to, you have a tumor that has been around a while and now it is time to take it out.

We're gonna make it! Thank you for your support, kind words and kind thoughts! I'll keep you up to date.....

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