| Today was a busy day - and I felt good most of the day. Actually, as things start to return to 'normal,' I am starting to feel a little guilty about the entire thing. Is it a big deal or am I just getting everyone concerned about a 'little' thing? Self-doubt shows through. Today we started by going to visit Dr. Bernstein - the doctor with the technology! His office was 'colder' than Dr. Goodall's. The nurses asked all the history questions instead of the doctor. Then Dr. Bernstein did a short physical exam and said I do need surgery and that his computer guided methods would help insure a good outcome. He also said some good things. He expected I would be back to work within 1 month and in the hospital for 2 or 3 days (unless I need rehab). He is nice 50 something Dr., somewhat humorless and extremely sure of himself. When I asked him how I should prepare myself for the surgery, he said, 'physically? just show up.' I asked about visiting the hospital beforehand, he said 'you can if you want...' Abi hated him. She did not like his short, non-specific answers. She did not like that he recorded all his answers on a hand-held tape recorder. "What's the point," she said, "he did not say anything!" Overall, I still think he is the best person for the job so far. He seems very confident and seems to have the 'experience' to back it. He also has the state-of-the-art tools to do the job. And, he would want to do it in about 3 weeks. I have NO interest in waiting 3 weeks, but I won't have a choice with Dr. Bernstein. His prospective is - I've probably had this for YEARS, maybe my entire life - and it needs to be done, but not tomorrow. One other wrinkle, his partner, Dr. Krose, could do it with the same technology a lot sooner, but now that I have seen Dr. Bernstein - that could be a little 'messy.' I wanted to LOVE Dr. Bernstein. I walked away liking his concept and have mixed feelings about him as a person. ----------------------------------- Dave Greco asked me today what I am most worried about right now. He had heard that, depending on my cancer type, my life expectancy could be 50%-80% of living 5 years. We explained we have gotten a lot of different reports and we can't really know more until they take the tumor out and exam it. Other reports have said to expect nearly 100% recovery if the tumor is complete removed. What I am most worried about now is how, where, and when to get the best surgical care. Then, if I will have any long-term deficits from the surgery. We learned today the tumor is right near the left-leg part of the brain. ------------------------- Today, I also talked to a 'holistic' healer about complementary things I could do to work through this process. We talked about diet supplements - like taking more B and C. And he asked me if this experience had changed my relationships at all. It has in several ways. - I feel a cleansing effect with many of my personal obligations. I am working to bring a lot of my obligations to some sort of 'closure,' so I can feel okay about being less available for at least a month. - I feel a lot more freedom to share some of worries and pain with you, my reader. I feel more 'open' to others. I took my password off a computer journal I have kept for 4 years, for another example. Anyway, these are some of the good things that has happened. --------------------- Tomorrow, I will be at work in the morning and then I go see another doctor in Columbus this time, Dr. Goodman. My goal is to have a plan of action by the end of the week. THANK YOU again for all of your sincere words of encouragement, prayers and good thoughts. I am beginning to GLOW! With much love and respect, ----------------- Flying on the Internet.... Daniel Katz-Stein |